Info on the web about Victor Tarassov

1. Lighthouse Network - LN Announcements
www.lighthousenetwork.org/new/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&i
Published on: 11/1/2006 Last Visited: 11/8/2006

We'd like to officially welcome Victor Tarassov, MS as our new LighthouseED Director (effective November 1).

As a professional counselor for 18 years, Victor brings a wealth of education, training, and experience to LN. He is a graduate from Philadelphia Biblical University with a Masters Degree in Christian Counseling, and also served as a member of the faculty there teaching group dynamics and marital therapy. Victor has served as an East Coast regional program director for New Life Clinics and was responsible for initiating and operating an inpatient/day program.

He is a facilitator and trainer for Right Things Right, a group leader at Every Mans Battle workshops, and is consulted for both individual and corporate coaching.

Victor has given seminars and workshops throughout the United States on Biblical Reflection, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and its Treatment, Single Parenting and family issues at Fresh Start seminars, and Spiritual Development. He has also been consulted by the State of New Jersey Governor's Office for assistance in determining the proper treatment of inmates and other ethical issues regarding their incarceration and release. Several articles he has written have been published in national magazines.

We're delighted to welcome Victor to our staff!

For more information about Victor, please visit his web site at www.victortarassov.com.


2. Life@Work Journal Online
www.lifeatwork.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=dsparticledetail&intid=545
Published on: 3/6/2002 Last Visited: 3/6/2002

The story is so common as to risk being a clich‚, but it was impetus enough to send her into the office of Victor Tarassov, a therapist and director of the New Life Clinic in Doylestown, Pa. (www.newlife.com).

It wasn't an especially warm meeting.

"During our first encounter, I thought she wouldn't come back," Tarassov says. "But I won't give up until they do. ... I've learned that the person who is willing to make a hard decision [to change] and live with it is the one who will do damage repair."

Liza complained of feeling overwhelmed yet angry for no specific reason. Tarassov asked her up front the steps she already had taken to effect change and the ones she was willing to take in the future. He asked her to define change and then count the cost.

"I always tell clients, `If life depends on you being seen as a success or as the No. 1 guy - whatever status you're trying to maintain - then you can't change your life,' " he says. "What you have to change is where you find life."

As he does with his other clients, Tarassov gave the responsibility to Liza to think through what she wanted to be at 90 and what she wanted to have accomplished or developed by then. With those goals in mind, he asked her what steps she was taking now to make that happen. This is what he calls creating a life map or drafting a plan for change. Then he also asked about her motivations for success.
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"If someone feels the need to prove themselves to a boss, father figure or whoever, what they do is get rid of everyone else in their life to please this imaginary figure," Tarassov says. "They have to put up boundaries and not violate them - things like no more late hours, only one business trip a month, etc. But they also have to recognize that once they say no to this, there are 100 people who will say yes. It's a lifestyle change to move from burnout to balance, and you have to count the cost. You're going to have to say no to things, and that will cost you real money."

Liza made progress, Tarassov says, when she finally put limits on the length of her business day and a cap on her materialistic expectations. She restructured her company, sold off all but one outlet and ended her business day at 3 p.m. She now says no to travel more than she says yes, and she is home four nights a week to spend time with her husband and 17-year-old son. "I think the big breakthrough for her was when it didn't matter what she drove or how many cell phones she had," Tarassov says.

Her husband and her church were both very supportive of the changes she made, but none more so,

perhaps, than her son, Tarassov says. It didn't happen overnight, however: Liza's restructuring took place over a nine-month period of counseling. For ongoing maintenance, she plugged into a group of women from her church for regular Bible study and accountability. "They had been telling her she needed to make this change for a while," Tarassov says, "so she had to go back to them and say they were right - which was humbling."

As for her relationship with her father, Liza still is working on it, but she no longer is controlled by her perception of his opinion. "She still longs for a relationship with her father, but if she doesn't get it, that's OK," Tarassov says. "She's still in contact with him and is working on it."

FROM COACHING TO COMMUNITY

Liza's overloaded life is rather typical these days, but so is the solution she pursued - scaling back her expectations and lifestyle, rather than creating major, dramatic changes.
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Although Hedges trained Tarassov in this coaching approach, Tarassov sees that other groups also are catching on to the concept of mentoring or coaching to restore balance - especially in the lives of men.
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"I'm seeing men's groups now realizing that the `corporate [overload] thing' stinks - it could be a spurring from the Promise Keepers movement or a stirring that, hey, this isn't what life is all about," Tarassov says. "But someone has to model this. It's good for older men to show younger men how to do this." Otherwise, he observes wryly, the only models are the workaholics at the office.

Tarassov believes that to make long-lasting changes, most people need to draw a support from others. The ideal support mechanism is a 2,000-year-old concept: a thriving local church. "The way you keep growing is by being in a good, healthy community," Tarassov says. "That's a non-negotiable. You can't pull this off by yourself. The whole growth process - or sanctification - can't be done alone."


3. Illinois Baptist State Association: 5/3/00 Family Page
www.ibsa.org/ibweb/503fam.html
Published on: 4/7/2000 Last Visited: 9/16/2000

Even then, thoughts of their loss will resurface throughout their lives as unassuming events trigger different phases of the grief cycle, according to Victor Tarassov, a therapist for New Life Clinics in New Jersey, writing in ParentLife's May issue.

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If you have a friend who has lost a child, be patient and avoid giving overly simplified spiritual answers, Tarassov said. Let them know that their pain is real and it be OK to feel these emotions. do not try to produce a reason for the hurt or a shortcut for the pain. Help Christian parents know the hope they already know deep in their hearts-that life in Jesus Christ is eternal.